


The Choice

by coaldustcanary



Category: Werewolf: The Apocalypse
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 06:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coaldustcanary/pseuds/coaldustcanary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Get of Fenris Kinfolk Matilda Saenger has always had choices to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Choice

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of introspection from my old Werewolf: the Apocalypse character.

Every morning, just after she woke up and just before she forced herself out of her warm bed to stumble toward the bathroom, Matilda Saenger would stare at the rough pattern on the ceiling of her bedroom and thank God for the opportunity to choose to get up and do the things that she would have to do that day. Back when Reverend Gardner had imparted his little secret to surviving one day at a time to her originally, Matilda had dismissed his suggestion as overly-optimistic naivete. But now, though she was no longer religious - not that kind of religious, anyway - she had begun to realize that her morning mantra was something of a lifeline.

"Thank the Lord," he had said, his eyes intent on then-teenaged Matilda behind his wire-framed glasses, "that you can choose. Tell Him, and tell yourself, that every day you choose to do your schoolwork. Clean your room. Mind your parents. You don't have do, so you can't rail against it, crying. You choose, Miss Saenger."

So she had.

Her parents had forsaken their responsibilities of blood and kith and kin, and because of that, Matilda had been able to choose to take them back on her shoulders with more knowledge than most. It was never an entirely free choice, though some among the Garou claimed otherwise, trying to drown out the voices from those among the Kin who wanted something different. But the Garou should know better, better than Matilda, that blood calls to blood, and some things can not be denied. But she could have resisted it, as her parents had, and made herself a quiet life away from their passions, their intruiges, their battles, and their deaths.

She could have turned away from it, leaving Lonnie, her cousin, to scream himself hoarse alone when he came out of his First Change and saw what he'd done to his brother Peter. But she'd chosen to go to him, terrified but also somehow quietly unafraid, and held his blood-soaked hand tightly while Aunt Gertrude treated the rents in Peter's flesh with chanted prayer and a poultice that smelled like evergreen.

She could have fled from it, moving away from the Sept when the howls were heard again. But instead she came back from the city and chose to make a go of it in Lake Placid and wait for them to come to her.

She could have hidden from it, taking a tiny apartment in the heart of town to keep them away. But she'd chosen a ramshackle farmhouse in the woods, backing up to the Bawn lands, so that visitors on two feet and four would be equally welcome and equally hidden from prying eyes.

She could have ignored it, and let the answering machine keep picking up the calls placed from pay phones in Canada. But she chose to answer, and she chose to let herself smile as Laevateinn introduced herself and her packmate Daniel. She chose to let them stay, though her cousin's scars made her frown and Daniel's waking dreams made her frightened.

She could have made the distinction between blood and family, but when the pack was formed she chose to invite Brian and Slaine to live in the farmhouse, too. She chose to weather Brian's terrifying temper and meet Slaine's unnerving, Fae-touched pale gaze every day.

She could have fought the routine, but she chose to settle into it, working long hours to make the restaurant not only succeed but pay to support the Garou. She chose to feed them, clothe them, run their errands, and endure their moods. She chose to put profit aside and provide free food to all of her growing "extended family" whenever they would visit. She chose to ignore that they sometimes were bad for business.

She could have given in to temptation when tall, dark, and handsome Brian - though also dangerous, assholish, and maddening Brian - made his desires clear, but she chose to rebuff them after sussing out just how dangerous it would be if the playful, teasing interest and innuendo turned into something more, something distracting and a liability.

She could have accepted only the safe side, but she chose to ask questions, visit the scenes of crimes, break the law, and lie to her friends to aid them in their duties. She chose to accept the dangers they seemed to glory in without actually reaping any of the Glory.

She could have resented their presence in her home, but she chose to make it their home as well, and to endure the abuse they heaped on it (and her) in joy and in sorrow.

Every morning, Matilda reminded herself of these things. There were things she didn't choose - to be born with the fire in the blood running through her veins at a simmer, not a burn. To be born in the End Times, when sacrifices were required more and more, not just of the wolf-born but of the wolf-blood. But she was Matilda Saenger, proud daughter of the Fenris Wolf, and they needed her. And for a moment, each morning, when she made the choice to rise and move and begin another day, she felt their power in her, and it was enough.


End file.
